Sheeyit, Kemosabee. Ah kin win this election easier than a hot knife cuttin' through buttah. Sheeyit!
God dammit all to hell! Today, (putting his hand in his pants' pocket) ah feel cocky--and ah mean bigtime.
Just rode back from the grand concourse with my hound dog Geetah, and ah need the feel of hay under my boots so ah kin stand on it. Ah'm a good ole Texas boy and the last time you saw a face like mine, a jockey was feedin' it. To create jobs, ah will require factories to manufacture wooden pants. No more zippers---just swingin' doors. Oops, gotta go now, gotta take this call. It's from God.
Corporations are people. Lampposts are people. Mailboxes are people. But, my friends, people are not people. Today is Tuesday, so happy Wednesday. When I say "yes", I mean "bowels." Which reminds me, got to get this economy running again. I love my brother Sy and my sister Sue. And if you knew Suzy like I know Suzy, her father would be after you, toozy. The Latin Quarter is a foreign coin and Yale is the Swedish word for prison. Steeples are not people. We need a change, my friends, like of my mind. Forget what I said yesterday. I have. How do you like my Armani jeans? When I get elected, I shall take over the country and fire all the citizens. As Mrs. Cassidy said to Mr. Cassidy, "let's hopalong".
I am a very religious cook. Everything I cook is a burnt offering. I'm the only woman in the world who can burn a stove. I don't make pot roast, I make roast pot. And only I can screw-up Cornflakes. My husband always frowns because he doesn't want to look gay. I'm so short, he's nuts over me. Let's make Obama a one (thump) term (thump) president. I believe in the constitution with my heart and soul. I just don't understand it. What a nerve, telling Ben Franklin to go fly a kite. All citizens of Iowa owe money. Kentucky is the capitol of Japan. As for my qualifications, I can swat a gnat with one hand. My vice-president shall be Elvis Presley. Must leave now--I'm meeting my husband at the pawn shop, under the balls.
That's all, folks.