Wednesday, March 13, 2013


I almost got arrested today. The alleged crime was the way I wore my hair.

A cop stopped me on the street and asked if I knew why I had been targeted. When I said, "No", he read me my rights, concluding with the statement that anything I said could be held against me. I, without pause, shot back,"Sharon Stone".

He went on to accuse me of having had a recent haircut which, he explained, was against the law. When a CORI check revealed no prior similar offenses, he let me go with a warning.

The point I make is this: Look at today's prevalent hair style for men. They look as if they have just rolled out of bed. Their hair is all over the place, simultaneously slanting in different directions. Up, down, left, right, followed by a thorough mussing-up lest it appear that a brush or comb had even been considered.

What gives? The closest thing to grooming is the hair streaking straight down toward the forehead, only to suddenly be stopped by a last-second up-swerl. I don't advocate the "wet look" but shouldn't there be some styling involved with the purpose of making you look better?

And on a related subject, who the hell is designing men's clothes? The suit jacket's first button is just below the adam's apple or, alternatively, at "poopick" level (Christians rush to an Old Testament dictionary). What is completely obviated is any kind of a draped look which conceals, or minimizes, the look of paunch. The belt line of the trousers is barely above the genitalia, thereby permanently exposing that part of the shirt between the end of the jacket and the start of the pants. Anyone weighing  over 100 pounds is in trouble.

What's next? Suits made of wood fabric?

No more flies, just swinging doors?

I'm all dressed up with no place to go.

1 comment:

  1. A howell! And right on the money. You are a very capable social commentator.