Friday, August 16, 2013


A less than brilliant friend of mine was waiting impatiently in the waiting room to see a specialist. He had used his influence to avoid a six month down-the-line first available appointment. The nurse, spotting him as a newcomer, approached him to ask a few preliminary questions.

"What's your name, sir?
He bellowed out, "Roger Adams."
She was startled by his thunderous tone.

"Please, sir, you'll have to calm down and speak more softly. This room is full of sick patients waiting to see the doctor. Now, what is the nature of your problem?"
Without in any way lowering his volume, the man screamed,"There's something wrong with my shlong!"

The nurse was beside herself and ran into the doctor's office, face flushed and body trembling.
"Doctor, I've been with you for over twelve years and I've never been so embarrassed. A man out there, when I asked what ailed him, hollered, at the top of his lungs and in front of all those people, that there was something wrong with his shlong!"
The doctor calmed her down and directed her to bring the man in, immediately.

When the man was seated, the doctor, in a scolding manner, said,"Look, Adams--when my nurse asks you what's wrong, tell her anything--your head your back--anything at all, but you don't tell her, in front of other patients, that there's something wrong with your shlong. You tell that to me when we're alone together. Get it? I mean, what are you--nuts?"

Two weeks later, the nurse again noticed Adams in the waiting area, cautiously approached him and whispered," Hello, again, Mister Adams, what ails you, today?"
Adams twisted nervously in his chair and answered, still on the loud side, "Oh, um, (he was awkwardly hesitating) there's something wrong (big pause) with my, ah, elbow."
"And what's wrong with your elbow?" the nurse asked, projecting pure pleasantry.
Whereupon Adams shot back, in screaming tone, "I can't pee through it!"


Poor guy, he was jinxed when it came to picking doctors. Word is that his primary care physician once treated a woman for yellow jaundice over a period of eight months before he found out that she was Asian.


And, finally, yet another acquaintance awoke one morning to find that he could not speak. When he tried, he could only emit a gargling-growling sound. "Argggggggwaa."

 He presented himself to his doctor that afternoon, who, when listening to his voice, asked him to disrobe. and then began to smile
"I see your problem. Your penis is much too long for your body. It is pulling on your groin, which is pulling on your chest, which, in turn, is pulling on your vocal cords/ You'll have to undergo a surgical procedure to rectify the situation."

Six moths later, he saw the doctor on the street and gushed,"Doctor, remember me? I'll always be grateful to you! Just listen to my voice! Not a quiver, not a tremor. You cured me! But, I was wondering. In a ruptured appendics operation or when athletes have bone spurs removed, these  parts are thrown away. In my case, what did you do with the section of my penis that you cut off?"

The doctor blushed, smiled, looked his patient right in the eye and said,"Arggggggggwaa."


As I said to the x-ray technician after swallowing some coins, "Do you see any change in me?"


And remember the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon. God doesn't think he's an orthopedic surgeon.

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