Yesterday was my 82nd birthday which was devoted, in the main, to me reviewing me. A bit of a bumpy ride, I must say. Judging myself is a hardball endeavor. Doing so impartially mandates the talent of an Ubermensch, which I am not. So, as an ordinary fellow, I assumed the daunting task.
I have always been unafraid to embrace the concept of empathy, where appropriate, which brings into play the life-engine of motive, which explains why things are done. Intent is the truest of fact filters.
I've had my share of right and wrong but absent throughout was a purpose to harm others. In the good times, I was never stingy with the goodies and everyone in my flock enjoyed the benefits. Even when I was drowning in the sea of mistakes, I harbored no ill will despite my good time gun being empty of good time bullets. My love for those I loved never waned.
The toughest part was to deal with the emotional wrong turns taken to which there are no available remedial turn-backs. Suck it up and swallow hard. Somehow, I got through the heart-pain and survived. Mind over matter. I was my own shrink. The brain doesn't forget, not even to remember.
The most positive contribution in my life and to the lives of others was my ten years as a Judge. I leaned on what I had learned and been through, always being practical and understanding, the two ingredients of fairness. I put my heart and soul into the task at hand and will unhesitatingly rely on the opinions of the attorneys and individuals who appeared before me, for they have personal knowledge of this issue. I am not afraid of their verdict.
The most difficult part of my self-analyzing was to evaluate very personal relationships.
That ride was not a smooth one. In fact, it was most unsettling.
Too many scabs scraped off
The saving grace was, once again, the absence of malice. Stuff happens.
If I could go back, I would, of course, try to avoid my missteps but who wouldn't? The past has passed.
Even now, the light of love from those whom I love, is my beacon.
Could have been better--of course.
Could be worse--much.
And oh, how lucky I am to be able to say that.