Everybody wants to be happy. Sporadically, over time, that happens.
Everybody wants to be happy all of the time. That,in my personal opinion, is impossible.
In the September of your years, reflections on your life are prompted by daily occurrences. Everything is seen through deja vu colored glasses. The intensity differs, but the emotional response does not. Remembering unhappy experiences is a bitch. Your degree of pain is determined by the degree of healing that has taken place. Past unhappiness can come from a variety of sources. To set forth a laundry list is to beckon depression. This post, therefore, deals with but one: unrequited love.
A broken heart.
If you are a profound romantic, falling in love seeks all, or nothing at all. Half a love never appeals to you.
There's a new look in your eyes, a new spring to your walk. You can think or talk of nothing else, nor do you want to. You incorporate words of a favorite song into your everyday speak. Your friends smile at you with envy. Anything, everything, is possible. There are no dark tones. Your ambition is limitless. Watch out, world--here you come.
But, if something goes wrong, despite your determination to never let that happen, you reach for the other's hand; you try, desperately, to hold on, but the realization begins to emerge that you can't. You reject that notion and expend all of your energy in trying to revive and sustain this miracle that was. But, it's not within your control, and it goes by you, as you spin off the tracks. You keep looking back, retracing your steps, but second guessing merely pours salt on your severely wounded heart. Your life, measured by the calendar, continues on, in the complete absence of any healing process. You walk with your head down.
Years pass, but you never forget.
"Let it go."----You can't.
"Move on."----You can't.
Is this rational? The answer is not yes or no, it's who cares.
You've put yourself on a raft, letting the tide take you where it will. You keep committing the fatal error of trying to rewrite the script, which inevitably leads to second guessing yourself. So, what's the cure?
Time. Let it carry this burden for you. Try to stop remembering, at least try. If you lose this battle, don't beat yourself up. The passage of time is your most effective medication. And, there's no co-pay.
There will come a day when you suddenly become aware that the pain is a little less. Be grateful, and keep going with the flow. Will you ever completely forget? No. Will you be able to look back and not flinch? That's the goal.
In the meantime, try to forget to remember.