When you begin a visit with your main doctor-man, you often wonder why he always inquires as to your mental health. Ho-hum, ho-hum.
You were young then and full of piss and vinegar, rarin' to go, penis at the ready. The thought that you could sometimes finish a day by inundating yourself with penetrating questions which mandated that you go back in time--way back--and relive the crucial moments of your life and ask "what if"a different move on your part could have--would have--resulted in a different ballgame for you. No regrets, necessarily, just a reconsideration of what might have been if fate had dealt you other cards.
You've had a good ride and that's what makes looking back and going back in a different direction at the crossroads reveals oh' what could have been with just a twist of the dial.
Innocent second-guessing is all except for a tinge of who knows how taking another turn could have altered my life. And would this alteration have been good? Does good mean better?
This exercise is tricky and slightly dangerous because it tempts you to relive your life into the might-have-been-world where, sitting in your looking-back chair, anything can happen and oh, where would you be now if-if-if?
Because, let's face it--when moods like this descend upon you, the move you didn't make seems to always turn the neighbor's grass greener.
Yes, you miss the action, the spotlight, the newspaper headlines, the juice that filled you up, the drinks that warmed your soul and assured you that this was your time and you were the king.
And maybe that's why these journeys into the past are thrilling but not to be taken lightly.
This is serious stuff because it emphasizes the need for inner strength, the need for self confidence, and, always, the need for friendship loaded with warm memories.
And, most of all,--most of all--MOST OF ALL--,the need for love, real and imagined (had you gone the other way,dig?)
THE NEED FOR A PAT ON THE BACK, THE NEED FOR A CONSOLATORY EMISSARY FROM THE PAST OF EVERYTHING, AND, MOST OF ALL, THE NEED FOR LOVE.
MOST OF ALL, THE NEED FOR LOVE.
WHAT YOU'VE GOT LEFT ON THE ROAD TO BE STILL TRAVELLED HAS JUST DOUBLED, AT LEAST.
SLEEP HAS BECOME A COOL THING AS YOU BEGIN TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE SUNRISE.
AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
THE HIGH-TEST IN YOUR GASOLINE IS LOVE.
THE NEED FOR LOVE.
So, get up from your beloved chair and stop wrestling with karma. Tis another day and you're in the race to control it. You're in the select class of being able to walk around in your 80's. That's because, like it or not, you're getting enough, at least enough, of your oxygen, of love coming your way.
And there's more to come.
The light is still on green.
You're still a player. And lucky at that.
You're getting what you need.