Can we all plan on meeting our soulmate? Is there one person--or maybe two, gotta give the creator some leeway here--who was made to fit right in, hand in glove, and provide the ultimate simpatico, the result being the perfect couple ?
I say "yes" and I believed that until now, as I begin my 84th year on earth. Now, I don't think so anymore. It can be a good run but immunization from defects, the key to it all, let me down with a thud, so I ain't a believer no more.
To claim my credentials, when I was in my early teens, 12 or 13, kids, even then, I would often say aloud, "wouldn't it be great to spend your life with a woman whom you madly love?" Even today, that sums it up for me, but it's unattainable I conclude.
You have a glorious pairing--bells, whistles, thunder and lightening--but, sooner or later, it falls apart---time being a factor, but an aggravating one. Keep in mind that I'm not referring to a 2-way street. This loosing one's footing more often knocks just one partner off the trail 'cause that's the way it is. My kind of love is all to itself. Peculiar and rarified stuff.
It comes slowly, at first. After all, this was a lifetime deal. The road downhill is a subtle sonovagun. Little things, an unguarded look here, a mask of disappointment there. These telltale signs mask years of suppressed negative frustration unbeknownst to you which makes them all the more painful to accept and deal with when that fateful fork in the road blocks the road to emotional recovery
The ferocious and maddening of the initial sex intimacies have long since faded but they have left love scars and scars are permanent. Where did I fuck up? Or did I fuck up ? There are 2 sets of hands in this mudpie, enough to easily accommodate more than 1 actor. So you sit and remember and follow the malicious intent trail. You're o.k. there. If anything, you win that ballgame because you are the romantic soul so she must be tougher, more in control of her emotional conduct. She was, in language and conduct completely inconsistent with the artistry of romance. As time has passed, you realize that you have been dealing with, and have been dealt by, a poker-faced mistress of ceremonies . Shove the convenient tears. Your hands are more than clean. Your being a softy doesn't always make you a winner. Your biggest problem is dealing with and getting over your problem.
What should you take away from all of this?
Don't ever forget that staying true to yourself is the toughest challenge of all because the soulmate propaganda comes out of the same factory whose product keeps our grasses green
When you look in the mirror, stand up straight. Don't look away. No need to. Being nice, through and through, will steer your ship quite nicely, thank you. Keep the verdict under wraps 'till the final curtain comes down.
It takes two to Tango or even to argue.