Friday, April 1, 2011


It had become increasingly clear that my fifth grade teacher envisioned an indelible target on my face. He would pick on me even for the sole purpose of conceiving a reason to pick on me.

On this day, he was discussing President Abraham Lincoln, when he suddenly turned my way and barked "Alch!!!! who killed Lincoln?". I was startled and defensibly pleaded,"I swear to God, I never touched the guy!" The students registered "sadistic revenge-glee" on the Class Uproar Monitor.

"Oh, what a fresh punk you are, I've had it with you. Don't come to school tomorrow unless you bring your father with you!"

The next morning, my father was at my side and menacingly strode eyeball to eyeball with my tormentor , emphatically declaring,"If my son said he didn't kill Lincoln---THEN HE DIDN'T KILL HIM!"

That night, my father came into my room and sat beside me, determined to bring closure to this matter. He looked at me closely , with much trepidation, and whispered,"Son, we're alone now. Just you and me. Tell me the truth.....did you kill Lincoln?"


  1. Love this story! Hopefully father's actions sent a message to this teacher, who clearly has no sense of humor. If I were the teacher, I would applaud such a witty young student ;-)

  2. You may not have killed lincoln but I am certain you, yes very certain you had something to do with Manny Ramirez leaving the Sox and now retiring, I know it, I just can't prove it.